Final Countdown

Well today is my final countdown to start my chemo treatment for this rare bone tumor I have which is called, and hang on to your asses here... Giant Cell Granuloma. What in the hell is that you ask? Well it's a benign cell growth of bone cells. Where the cells act abnormally and seem to think there is something to fix in a certain part of the body when there is not. So an abnormal growth of bone occurs. This usually can be taken care of with surgery, but not with me. No I have to be the crazy monkey that climbs in the machine and wrecks it. In my case this rare tumor is in an unusual place in the body, my maxillary sinus. This is the 3rd time this tumor has occured in my face, and the cells just keep spreading. I have been back and forth to MD Anderson Cancer Center so much, I feel like we should just pitch a tent out in front. I have seen so many doctors and answered the same questions over and over. The surgery they told me it would take to get it all out of my face this time would mean taking all the bones out of my face...both cheek bones, obital bones, and upper pallet. Followed by massive reconstruction. This surgery would take 12-18 hours! My mind screams not no but HELLLL NOOOOO!!! I will NEVER consent to that EVER! So we are going the chemo route, a drug called peginterferon alfa 2a which the dipshit oncologist tried his best to downplay. I have read pleanty to know I have a possible rough road ahead. It was quite comical, the my office visit with him last week, he was all rushed and ready to leave the room and I said to him " I am not done with you yet" and he just looked at me says OK and puts his hands in his pocket..so I tell him "sit down" and then launch into 20 minutes of questions. I still don't like him. He is a butthead. He talked around me and looked at my husband when he answered questions. I feel like I am just falling further and further away though, and spinning into insanity. I fight and yell at my husband when I really should not have such a reaction, I spazz out with my son sometimes and he is just a baby still. As much as I hate to admit this, I need happy pills. Until Tomorrow...